She Is A Fickle Bitch

The sea comes crashing onto the pier of my life. She seems so sweet and calming most of the time, although lately she has been nothing but rough on me.

Melancholy tastes sting my mouth as I take a drag of my cigarette. Where do you run when you know all your problems are of your own doing? I cannot place blame elsewhere for I know it all starts with my ability to breathe and cope. Everything in this life is in wax and wane with us. We create it all. So why is it, that even though I try so hard to stay in the sun... the dark finds me? They say without struggle there is no gain. Is that really universal? I just would like to think that even for a short amount of time in a persons life that that would fade. Are all those moments wasted on childhood? We must truly be damned to suffer throughout our whole lives. To think, that with all the struggling that some people go through... some never get out. Will I ever get an end? This life is meant to be a learning experience of course, but where's my easy street? I guess I need to find something that cannot be damaged by anything to take joy from when the rest of my world is chaos.

Brave New Journey

I believe its time to start this blog on a different journey.

Today..

You know what its like when you look outside the window and you feel a longing for the chance to feel some greater emotion than the feeling of just being here?

As if a glimpse of extraordinary perception just broke through.. I love the feeling, the aching for the chance to fly or a dramatic change to occur in front of my eyes in a matter of minutes. I want to stare outside my window and make something explode or grow or an AMAZING mind bending thing to just.. appear.

Often I just stare in amazement at how beautiful this world we call home really is.  The waxing and waning of everything invigorating as it is, makes me want to feel it all in one instant like an orgasm. 

Cause and effect.

Put the headphones in to drown it all out. Those feelings that are so easily buried refuse to let me choke on them this time. It will all just go away, I can pretend. No, it wont. Furthermore you don't care. Making matters worse, That common sense never kicked in.  Almost as if your ignoring it too, only your not failing as miserably. So preoccupied by the visual realm, I am stuck here festering as I await you to wake up. I have not the right to be angry I am sure I will be reminded a few times. A sad attempt at showing you give a damn, A meager "sorry". Theres got to be excuses for what you have done, Of course... No responsibility taken. 

I am sorry for my sometimes headstrong intolerance. 

One of those nights

I can feel the insomnia creeping over my senses. Almost like some one angered the killer bees in my head. The luminous moon is having its way with the world. Tides are rising in my room as I lie here. Distressed and unable to ignore the trapped energy. Silently I scream hoping for it to subside. I'm driving on the freeway going two hundred mph. The people, ideas and conversations shoot past me. I cannot stop this car, but only wait for it to crash.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Thank You

You listen where I have been ignored.

You care when no one else does.

You appreciate me even when I don't think I do enough.

You heal my wounds everyday.

You make me happy when I'm feeling like nothing is going right.

You treat my son like he is yours.

You make me feel like nothing in the world matters to you except our little family.

You help me feel beautiful even when I feel self conscious.

You have a soul that resonates, its so beautiful.

You hold me in your arms and help me feel so safe.

You do so much for me to take some of the load off

You help me feel love like I didn't think possible.

I can't put it all down in words this list goes on too long. All that matters is that we love you forever baby.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

My Love for Art

I acquired a interesting painting and it has my gears turning. I have always been a fan of the odd and absurd. So I've been thinking I really want to take some art classes and create some of my own oddities. I think it would be a fun and productive hobby I could start. Spend free time releasing stresses.... Yes sir :)

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

High Expectations

Lately I find it hard to juggle my social and personal life. I have always avoided having many friends for various reasons. Right now I do have more friends around than I can handle. With the territory of friendship comes a certain amount of time needed to keep the friendship alive. Some people require and desire more time than others. I also have a personal life that is extremely demanding, my three year old being the main occupant of my time leaving little time for said friends. This doesn't bother me, as I do have friends who are understanding of my life and do have busy lives of their own. I just can't fathom why it is that ignorance and selfishness is so easy to feel, but understanding and patience is not. I do try hard to give everyone time. I apologize for my busy life.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.