One of those nights

I can feel the insomnia creeping over my senses. Almost like some one angered the killer bees in my head. The luminous moon is having its way with the world. Tides are rising in my room as I lie here. Distressed and unable to ignore the trapped energy. Silently I scream hoping for it to subside. I'm driving on the freeway going two hundred mph. The people, ideas and conversations shoot past me. I cannot stop this car, but only wait for it to crash.

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Thank You

You listen where I have been ignored.

You care when no one else does.

You appreciate me even when I don't think I do enough.

You heal my wounds everyday.

You make me happy when I'm feeling like nothing is going right.

You treat my son like he is yours.

You make me feel like nothing in the world matters to you except our little family.

You help me feel beautiful even when I feel self conscious.

You have a soul that resonates, its so beautiful.

You hold me in your arms and help me feel so safe.

You do so much for me to take some of the load off

You help me feel love like I didn't think possible.

I can't put it all down in words this list goes on too long. All that matters is that we love you forever baby.

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My Love for Art

I acquired a interesting painting and it has my gears turning. I have always been a fan of the odd and absurd. So I've been thinking I really want to take some art classes and create some of my own oddities. I think it would be a fun and productive hobby I could start. Spend free time releasing stresses.... Yes sir :)

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High Expectations

Lately I find it hard to juggle my social and personal life. I have always avoided having many friends for various reasons. Right now I do have more friends around than I can handle. With the territory of friendship comes a certain amount of time needed to keep the friendship alive. Some people require and desire more time than others. I also have a personal life that is extremely demanding, my three year old being the main occupant of my time leaving little time for said friends. This doesn't bother me, as I do have friends who are understanding of my life and do have busy lives of their own. I just can't fathom why it is that ignorance and selfishness is so easy to feel, but understanding and patience is not. I do try hard to give everyone time. I apologize for my busy life.

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Hold me down

After all is said and done I still wonder. Like something was not finished in this. Through all the bull shit and hurt my comfort zone still remains. The side of everyone that secretly likes the pain. Pain that helps you feel alive. Pain that I secretly love. I cannot admit myself to this lunacy as much as I do love it. My good old friend depression smiles at me through the mirror and asks me to stay the night. I fear I may give in. You beckon to me so sweetly your voice whispers in my ear. The temptation grows so greatly. My sweetheart, my love.. Go away, for I cannot stand the sight of you any longer.

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Goodbye

The memories that I used to hold dear are like a stranger I can barely see right in front of me. Try as I might to focus my eyes it only makes them more of a blur. Something shakes me from behind, trying to suck me back in. No turning around now. I have no want for the dark to swallow me or for the pain. A new journey has only just begun. I will not allow my old inhibitions to keep me from happiness any longer. This is my life I'm living. I'm ready to stay in the sun.

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Mother

Here I am.

Waiting for the opportune moment to slam on these brakes.

 I want to slow time down.

Feel each moment warming the skin on my face, pouring onto the floor like a waterfall.

The energy I feel coming from everything makes me burst with love.

The mountains scream with each raping the excavators perform.

 The trees sing to my soul and smile at me as I stare at them.

My heart longs for natures embrace, the soothing healing touch of mothers fingers.

 "I love you" she tells me, almost as if to reassure my soul.

"Become me, as I have become you."

I know we are all one with our mother.