Wasted Moments Lost in Time

If I peeled back my skin and could show you my insides would you recognize me? 

Would you even second guess your opinion of me? 

There is more to these walls than I like to explain.

 I can no longer be what anyone wants me to be. 

So if you want me, you need to understand that I am not what you want me to be. 

Nor will I ask you to be what you are not.

Can you show me who you are? 

Would you even know how? 

My time is too precious to be wasted, this life is too short to dwell on the impossible. 

Your actions account for everything feeling. 

But what happened to your words.. 

they mean something in my mind.

Stuck on this track.. 

It may be early but can we meet where our souls are showing?

The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows

As this pain swells up again,
I can't stop the plunge.
This slithering through my veins,
Trying to attack my heart.
Seizing up with tears I cannot help.
I feel so cold,
No one to save me again. 
If only I could save myself,
I dont have the strength.
My heart aches so terribly.
I love to be lonely,
when there is no one to help.
A vicious cycle keeps repeating itself.
Alone, Alone,
Where I put myself from time to time.
I am given no other alternative than this,
As I bury these feelings again..
I will pretend I am okay, once again.

Jaded Seclusion

As the day winds down my energy dwindles while my imagination is only beginning to awaken.

Go through my routine its so easy to shut it all out of my head.

My body pulses with pain created by my jaded mind.

I want to let them into my heart and share myself,

Could they pay mind to my guts spilling on the floor.

Everything I am staining their shallow conscious.

In the morning will they remember what I said.

It meant so much to me, what does it mean to them?
The care I have is especially shown by how much I expand my soul to another person.
My heart hurts each time I am told I don't show enough.
Would you even fucking notice?
Would you feel each word as it escapes into the air?
 

Seduction of the Heart

Conviction in every word, faint contradiction in your actions.
Sweetly your energy caresses me.
Doubt snakes up next to me, am I blind to this?
I have met so many good magicians.
Pulling reality out of lies.
Should I trust this beauty?
Or leave it all behind....

Full moon effect

 
 Show me things I have never seen.

Tell me things you would ever tell anyone else.

Make this novocaine feeling fade from my body.

Take me on a journey, far away from civilization.

Be the friend I couldn't live without.

Laugh with me until you hurt.

Help me to feel the love that I'm sure is a fairytale.

I want to believe in happiness.

My Self Preservation

He feels so close as his skin rests against mine.

My mind is wandering again, unable to stop.

I feel so alone even when he is next to me.

I don't dare to move for fear this is merely an illusion.

The understanding he has for who I am is scarce.

What he knows of my soul is nothing.

I long for the feeling,

that when I lie next to someone I feel complete.

Only the feeling of being alone comes with it.

He thinks he can save me from this.

I feel too reluctant to allow this to become.

Things never feel as right as they should.

When I can't stand it any longer.

I hold my breath and plunge into my deep watery safety.

I smile as my feet hit the soft grainy sand.

When I open my eyes my cares drift away.

This is not where I drown in loneliness nor depression.

This is where I escape from their expectations.

The place I drown in sweet love, love for myself, love for my son & love for the universe.

This longing is only temporary, I will find what I deserve in time.

As for now.. The water feels so warm.

Utopia

I am awoken from a deep state of sleep and sit up. The forest outside my window is calling me. Curious, I get out of my bed and slowly approach the forest. Slightly scared and excited I wander into the mist the further I walk the more my body is entangled in bliss. My senses are filled with feelings of knowledge and strength. I fall to my knees, and the wind picks me up off of the ground. I fumble for the earth beneath me, but nothing is found. I search for an explanation for this phenomenon. The wind picks up once more and I am swept quickly through the mist towards a blinding light. This cannot be the end, am I dead? I finally break through the mist and I am astonished. Before my eyes is something I never could have imagined. A beauty beyond my own comprehension.... Love flows through my veins for this wondrous sight. Where am I and what brought me here? Once more a gush pushes me, but this time to the ground where I softly place my feet. Overwhelming comfort surrounds me, and I finally know I found where I belong. I close my eyes and let out a pleased sigh as a phoenix flies overhead and the warm sun smiles down on me.