He feels so close as his skin rests against mine.
My mind is wandering again, unable to stop.
I feel so alone even when he is next to me.
I don't dare to move for fear this is merely an illusion.
The understanding he has for who I am is scarce.
What he knows of my soul is nothing.
I long for the feeling,
that when I lie next to someone I feel complete.
Only the feeling of being alone comes with it.
He thinks he can save me from this.
I feel too reluctant to allow this to become.
Things never feel as right as they should.
When I can't stand it any longer.
I hold my breath and plunge into my deep watery safety.
I smile as my feet hit the soft grainy sand.
When I open my eyes my cares drift away.
This is not where I drown in loneliness nor depression.
This is where I escape from their expectations.
The place I drown in sweet love, love for myself, love for my son & love for the universe.
This longing is only temporary, I will find what I deserve in time.
As for now.. The water feels so warm.